I am exhausted. Doctor Onan has poked and prodded me all day. The news is grim. I had hoped that I just needed a stronger medicine instead of the sickly sweet one he gave me last week, but it isn’t a simple chest infection as the Doctor has thought. It’s in my lungs, and, to be honest, they aren’t doing so well. I have scylla. Onan should have caught it, but apparently I wasn’t presenting any other symptoms. As it is, I don’t feel overly warm, much less feverish, although I admit I have been feeling rather faint lately. I thought it was a side effect of the medicine he’s been giving me, but apparently not.
Onan was ready to admit me but I wouldn’t let him. I know how serious scylla is, especially to someone who has lived as many cycles as I have. Yet I refuse to stay in a hospital ward for weeks in the hope it can be cured. Isaur died in a hospital bed. Chran, my boy, died on his way to a hospital. I don’t know if the scylla will take me, but I won’t let myself be strapped to a hospital bed.
I want, I need, to spend what time I have left with my family. That is where Onan and I disagree. He believes that the best treatment plan is having me in a hospital, monitored day and night, fluids dripping in through my veins while my family watch me, not knowing if I shall live or die. I won’t do that to them. Besides, I am Isaur’s widow. Surely, given my position in the palace, I can still receive the best treatment while being surrounded by those I love. So we have reached a compromise. I am on bed rest and remain under constant medical watch. And, although I am allowed to watch the children, I am not supposed to tax myself. I must be good.
In truth, I know the diagnosis is grim. My chest aches from all the coughing. The only reason I am able to do this recording now is because of the stronger medication Onan prescribed. Whatever happens, I have lived a long time. I had hoped to see my grandchildren grow up, but I know that I am lucky. At least I got to know them, unlike Isaur. Or Chran. I’m trying to be a good patient. Being an active, independent Boentu female, I don’t respond well to bed rest, but I will do my best. Yasana and Marvena, old gods bless them, have fussed over me all evening since receiving the news. I am so grateful for my family.